Monthly Archives: September 2019

How I say yes

Large street art of a green octopus arm spelling 'yes' on a background of dark red waves

Content note: Vaguely described sex, with one explicit (and potentially gendered) term for genitals right at the end of this post.

I push the sugar bowl, the bag, the random thing between us to the side, opening a direct line. I turn more of my body towards you. I begin moving slower and more deliberately. Like other dances, this requires full-body focus, a sizzle of curiosity, an ounce of advance trust.

I play with my hair, my hem, my cutlery. I eat something and casually lick my fingers (are you paying attention?). I lean towards you, chin on hand, eyes sparking. Raise my eyebrow. I blush. I can’t stop grinning. My fingertips slide along my collarbone. I find some part of you that I can’t stop looking at — your mouth, your hands, your eyes, that little scar, the perfectly neat fade of your hair, that shadow where your skin disappears under carefully chosen cotton or leather. We haven’t touched each other, but this is indeed a dance.

***

After yet another accidental touch, I don’t draw back. Just wait and let the change ripple out underneath the surface. I release a few more square inches of arm or thigh into you, a little more weight (will you hold this?). I uncross my legs and recross them, weaving heels and calves between chairs and boots. I don’t pull down my skirt again. I lean closer; breath becomes audible. Pauses grow important as time disappears.

These are not accidents. I part my lips, a soft gasp in response to that particular touch of yours. I arch my neck, skin stretched over throat while my eyes close. A sigh, a shiver. I bend my head, bones bumpy beneath my hair. I find new surfaces on my body to offer to your gaze, your touch; to lean into you. I uncross my legs. I realize my hand is resting on your thigh but I don’t remember putting it there.

Getting up means untangling all of these layers and limbs and hoping the thread between us doesn’t break, survives the transition from here to there.

***

I let myself be slowly pushed into a wall, arch my back to allow your hand to pass behind me, tilt my head to give you access to my skin. My lips part, my tongue becomes impatient for yours, yet I stay where I am and wait for you to decide when (the most delicious anticipation). I shift my arm out of the way, unblocking the path of your hands on my body. I purr, moan, tremble in response to your touch.

I slowly sink back, onto the bed, the sofa, the nameless surface under us while we keep kissing. My legs drop open at the slightest nudge. My hands fall away, useless, forgotten. My hips roll towards your hand, your thigh, finding the angle that is just right, right now.

Head arched all the way back, eyes closed. Heels finding root, hands grabbing for a hold somewhere, anywhere. Cunt pushing into you. Fuck. Fuck.

“Yes!”


I’ve recently read a few posts and articles that seemed to imply that ‘consent’ in the context of sex and kink means ‘asking for and granting permission for every single step in a specific formula of speech.’ I believe that is an utter misunderstanding of how consent and communication work in real life. I hope this piece proves that there are many other ways to say “yes” than just words. I have done all of these things, usually more than once, although probably not in this exact order and perhaps not every single one with the same person. And while this particular piece of writing doesn’t have a strong emphasis on pain or on an obvious power dynamic, the experiences it describes all happened in a BDSM context. 

(That said, despite my love for nonverbal communication — I am a dancer after all —, I’m still a huge fan of and strong advocate for verbal negotiations when it comes to BDSM and/or sex. Partly for safety reasons, especially when partners are new to each other or unfamiliar with a technique. But mostly because talking about kink/sex with people I’m attracted to and who are attracted to me is fucking hot.)


Image source: Flickr/Phil Roeder (CC BY 2.0), cropped and color edited by me

Kinktober 2019 – How, what, why?

I’ve decided to do Kinktober again this year. I really enjoyed it last year (it actually was the motivation to start this blog in the first place!) and hope it will get me writing again after a few months of absolutely no new words coming out of my fingertips.

What is this Kinktober thing, you ask? I’ve written a brief history of Kinktober last year that should explain things.

My Kinktober prompt list

This year, there were so many Kinktober prompt lists (I stopped counting after the 30th), and yet none of them really seemed right for me. So, naturally, I added to the problem by making my own prompt list — basically my personal ‘best of’ of everyone else’s lists, plus a few interesting prompts I hadn’t gotten done last year, plus some new ideas of my own that I can imagine writing about. I wanted to make sure that (almost) all prompts could be used for both sexual and non-sexual situations (since not everyone combines sex with their BDSM), for fiction as well as posts about real-life kink, and for people/creatures of all genders and orientations. This is the end result (typed out below for those using screen readers):

Kinktober 2019 prompt list with 36 prompts in a 'bingo' layout. Prompts are listed in the post below.

How to use the Kinktober prompt list

Instead of a numbered list with one prompt (or several) for each October day, my list has a ‘bingo’ format. This has saved me the stress of picking an order ahead of time I then might not want to stick to, and it has provided some room for a few extra kinks (because I like having a choice). If you want to use this list for your own Kinktober creations, do whatever you want with it: Pick the 31 (or 13 or 3) prompts you like best and fill them in any order you like. Play bingo and create something for every prompt in a certain row, column, or diagonal. Print out the list and cut it into squares, then draw your prompts from a hat. Use two six-sided dice and let them choose the row and column to find the next prompt. Do them alphabetically. Mix and match them. Or, to borrow @cuffedCatling’s ideas: Start somewhere and then do knight’s moves to the next prompt. Or do the ones in blue first. Or throw darts at a print-out. Or let the cat walk across to choose your prompts.

As a writer myself, I created the list thinking it would be used as writing prompts. But it can of course also inspire drawings/paintings, photography, audio recordings, or even actual BDSM scenes with one or more consenting partner(s). You absolutely don’t need to be ‘good’ at whatever medium you choose (although you’ll probably get better automatically if you keep at it). You can be as filthy as you like or as safe-for-work as you can. You can explain things, fantasize about things, tells stories from your own life, or create any other kink-related things you wish existed already.

You can publish your creations wherever you like (#kinktober and #kinktober2019 seem to be the Twitter hashtags of choice), or you can keep them to yourself, or you can share them with a select few people in private. Or you can just read everyone else’s pieces/look at their visual art and perhaps leave a like and/or comment, which is also a great way to participate in Kinktober. (If you want to read other people’s Kinktober writings in German, this collective blog might be a good place to start, especially if you’re looking for LGBTQIA+ stuff.)

And if you don’t have any time in October 2019 to do any of this, you can of course also use whichever prompts you like at any other time (I wrote a few catch-up posts last year myself).

In short: There are no official Kinktober rules — just the ones you make for yourself.

If you’re using my prompt list in any way, I’d love to see what you did with it (you can post a link in the comments, tag or DM me on Twitter, link this blog on your own and send me a pingback, or write me a message through my contact form here). You don’t have to tell me, though.

My Kinktober ‘rules’ for myself

As for my own rules, I haven’t made any yet besides “I want to participate in Kinktober in some way.” I want to use this as an opportunity to turn some existing drafts into finished posts, and I want to write some entirely new things. I’ll try to write something every day, but I can’t promise I’ll also finish a blog post every day. My pieces — like the rest of my blog — are likely going to be a mix of personal, explain-y, and assorted ‘other’ writing. I may branch out and try my hand at some fiction; I may post a Twitter thread instead of a blog post on some days; I may write more kinky haikus; or I may just tweet a kinky picture I found to fill a prompt. Realistically speaking, if I manage to post ten different things on this blog, I’m going to be very happy with myself. Because I’ve learned last year that Kinktober stops being fun when I start feeling stressed out because I’m so very behind on posts (another reason why the bingo format is great: no pre-set number of prompts to fill!).

As promised above, the typed-out list of prompts from my bingo card image is below the cut. I may or may not link my own posts to it as the month goes on (if I don’t, there’s always the tag, though).

Continue reading Kinktober 2019 – How, what, why?